


if not, please gently let me go

by AStrangeDaze (TerraRising)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Especially the author, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, No one here is good at emotions or communicating, Post-Break Up, Sort Of, The Author Regrets Everything, The content that no one asked for, Things went from 0 to 100 REAL quick, shit is complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraRising/pseuds/AStrangeDaze
Summary: Daniel sees Seongwoo for the first time in a long time when his hyung finally makes his solo debut.Somehow, he thought this would end a little differently.
Relationships: Kang Daniel/Ong Seongwu, hints of it - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	if not, please gently let me go

“Oh, Daniel, hello.”

Polite words said in a friendly tone, accompanied by a cheerful smile set in a handsome face. A perfunctory wave as the other draws closer, as if this wasn’t the first time they’ve seen each other in months, a year even.

Daniel wants to be sick.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t?”

Seongwoo’s head cocks artfully to the side, eyes wide and blinking curiously as he waits for Daniel to explain himself. Every motion is practiced and perfected for the cameras, and Daniel _hates_.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he hisses, dragging an agitated palm through his hair, freer to express himself in the safety of this shared dressing room, “Don’t, don’t talk to me like that either. Please.”

“Don’t look at you and don’t talk to you?” Seongwoo continues to parrot as if he doesn’t understand, but Daniel knows him well enough to read the mocking gleam behind his gaze, “I suppose I’ll stay quietly in my corner instead of disturbing the great Kang Daniel, then, so sorry to intrude.”

“You know that’s not what I mean!”

“And what do you mean then?”

“Don’t put on that act with me, that fake prince persona of your’s. Don’t pretend.”

“Don’t pretend?” the smile stays, plastic, all but stapled to Seongwoo’s face, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that Daniel.”

“Why?”

For a moment Seongwoo’s expression shutters and all that’s left is something terrifyingly cold.

“I’m afraid that if I don’t pretend, I don’t think I could stand to be near you at all.”

“What-“

“Besides,” Seongwoo cuts him off, grin sharp and eyes glacial, “It’s your specialty afterall, isn’t it? Pretending. I just thought that I’d finally step up my game and join you, that’s all.”

The make-up noona isn’t here yet, no one is really here yet - no one else is in this room except for the two of them since both their managers stepped out for one thing or another and there’s no one here to stop Daniel from lashing out in return, from saying something equally ugly and mean and terrible inevitably caught by the media and spun into something even more dramatic for maximum sales and clicks, but he can’t. Daniel can’t because he can see it in Seongwoo’s eyes, the expectation that he will, and he remembers the hurt and pain he had caused the last time when he did rise to Seongwoo’s baiting. So he refuses to, he tamps down the urge, whether that be motivated by a vindictive need to have Seongwoo’s baiting attempt fail or out of not wanting to be the reason the older man hurts again, he can’t tell.

“I don’t want to do this,” he says instead, the statement sounds weak even to his ears and he winces because he knows Seongwoo wouldn’t have missed that and there’s no way he would let it go, not when he’s like _this_.

“Oh, of course, silly me, _of course_ you wouldn’t want to. What _would_ the public think if this got out, right?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Daniel hisses, teeth bared before he can stop himself, “Stop twisting my words!”

“Am I? Don’t pretend you didn’t think about it now, let’s not lie to ourselves,” and Daniel winces before he can stop himself.

Seongwoo continues on, voice chirpy and perfectly cordial, tone entirely at odds with his words in a way that makes Daniel want to scream. “You’re only talking to me because no one else is here. Or did you forget how you decided that being associated with me wasn’t good for your _image_?”

“I never said that.”

“But you always acted like it.”

“Will you fucking _stop_ with your goddamn assumptions?” he snarls, “Why are you always like this?”

_Fuck._ He can see the satisfaction in Seongwoo’s eyes the moment he slips up, the moment he engages and he tries to pull back, to flip this into something else until it escalates and spirals out of hand again.

“Hyung, please, can’t we just get along? I don’t, I don’t want to fight with you. This is the first time that we’ve seen each other in months, I don’t want it to end like this.”

“Ah, yes, the first time we’ve seen each other in months,” Seongwoo’s lips curl in distaste for just a moment before he forces it back behind his plastic smile, “I wonder why.”

“It was a tactical decision made by legal,” he grits out, “it’s not my fault.”

“Nothing is ever your fault, is it?”

“Goddammit, Seongwoo, what do you want me to say?”

“Say? What is there to say? I had to find out whether you were still alive from Minhyun and he heard from _Woozi_ , Daniel. So tell me, what the fuck is there left to say that I would even want to hear from you?”

_"That I missed you,_ " some traitorous part of his brain whispers, but he swallows the words immediately before they can make it to his his tongue. 

There’s something a little wild in Seongwoo’s eyes now, and a slight sneer on his face, the first real emotion he’s shown tonight and Daniel hates the part of himself that craves this even though none of their emotions are coming from a good place.If he lets himself, Daniel knows that the anger simmering beneath his skin will consume him again, anger at the fact that Seongwoo always lashes out like this and then justifies his own behaviour with the terrible things Daniel will say in return. He just wants Seongwoo to lay down his masks, wants Seongwoo to _feel_ something, anything for him, wants something _authentic_ from him even if it hurts.

Because if it hurts, then at least he’ll know that it’s real.

“Well? Not even going to bother with an excuse this time?”

Daniel snaps back to attention, realizing that he had paused for just a little too long without giving an answer, lost in his thoughts as he had been. Seongwoo stares at him from five feet away, spine ramod straight even as his feet are turned towards the door, dispassionate with only the slight tremble of his adam’s apple as he swallows giving him away.

“I guess I’m not even worth talking to, am I?”

Daniel opens his mouth to retaliate, Seongwoo’s shoulders twitch in a barely perceivable flinch, and-

He pauses.

His words are gone, swept away by that minute movement, unravelled by the tension hidden in Seongwoo’s form.

_What on earth were they doing to each other?_

“Hyung, what are we even doing?”

Seongwoo blinks, “I beg your pardon?”

“I, we-” Daniel takes a deep breath to steady his soul before striding over, breaching that unspoken barrier between them as he seizes a startled Seongwoo by his arms, fingers curling around elbows in a soft, unspoken plea, “Hyung, why are you still here?”

“This is the dressing room that we were assigned,” Seongwoo deadpans, trying to pull away but Daniel follows him, advancing for every step he takes backwards.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“If I was so good at understanding you, we wouldn’t be having this problem right now, would we?” his hyung snarks, holding his hands up now, face pale even without make-up, palms pressing against Daniel’s chest to keep him at bay as he’s finally backed into a corner physically, “Would you let go?”

“Why are you still here?” Daniel repeats his question, planting his feet stubbornly into the ground as he exploited his larger frame to keep Seongwoo cornered, “You could have walked away, so why are you still here?”

“And get yelled at by my manager? I think not-”

“Hyung, please.”

“ _What?_ ”

He wants to say _'I missed you'._ He wants to ask, _'Did you miss me too?'._ But the words won't come out properly and somehow all that comes out is this plea, this desperate need to know why they were still circling around this issues, circling back to this shared history, this relationship. Because if they can't let go, it must be because they both still care, right? If Seongwoo is still here, it must be because he missed him too, right?

“Why are you still here? Why are _we_ still here?”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but I need you to let go of me. I don’t appreciate being manhandled.”

Daniel lets his hands fall away from Seongwoo’s arms, hovering uncertainly while Seongwoo scowls, huffing in annoyance when Daniel makes no move to back off. He shoves at Daniel’s chest again weakly, a fraction of his usual strength even as the irritation flashes clear in his eyes. “Move!” he snaps, chin tilted upwards, teeth bared.

“Hyung,” Daniel lays his own hands over Seongwoo’s as he continues to push ineffectively at theother’s chest, “Hyung.”

Seongwoo falters, eyes wide and confused as Daniel cradles his hands between his gently, “Seongwoo-ah.”

It’s as if a switch is flipped and suddenly all there is on Seongwoo’s face is panic as he yanks his hands out of Daniel’s hold with a sudden burst of strength, ducking under his arm wildly and bolting across the room with a speed that surprises the both of them. Daniel runs after him before he even registers his body moving, grasping Seongwoo, flailing limbs and all, in a desperate hug.

“Seong-”

“ ** _Don’t_**!” Seongwoo tries to unsuccessfully to wiggle his arms free, spurring Daniel to hold on tighter.

“Seongwoo-ah, please!”

“Let go,” his hyung gasps insistently, chest heaving.

“No.”

“I said. Let. Me. Go.”

Daniel stubbornly buries his face against the back of Seongwoo’s neck even as the older man grits out his words, even as Seongwoo trembles in his grasp, even as the rational part of Daniel’s brain screams at him to let go because he’s being foolish and irrational and really this is only going to make everything worse, is going to end in tears and more screaming. But he doesn’t let go, he can’t, really, truly - if he could let go, wouldn’t he have let go months ago?

Wouldn’t they both?

“I’m sorry,” he finally gasps out, inevitably inhaling Seongwoo’s colonge with his next breath, the scent just as heady as he remembered it being, “Hyung, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, but I can’t. Don’t leave anymore, don’t push me away anymore.”

Seongwoo pries at his hands ineffectively, tugging at Daniel’s forearms as he squirms in his hold even as Daniel holds on tighter than ever. “Get off me!”

“Hyung, please! I-”

“You’re going to cause a scene when our managers come back,” Seongwoo warns, “Let. Go.”

“Hyung-”

“I mean it, **let go**.”

“No, I won’t, not like this.”

“You made yourself clear before that _you_ were letting go,” Seongwoo cuts him off, flinging more words he knows Daniel wouldn’t want to hear in a last ditch effort to get the other to release him when his strength proves ineffectual, “So stop this clinging act right now. It’s insufferable.”

“I’m not letting go,” Daniel digs in his heels stubbornly, “You always do this, I’m not letting go until you agree to talk this out.”

“Kang Daniel, I’m serious,” Seongwoo gasps, nails scrabbling at his forearms, “Let go!”

“Hyung! Oh……..am I interrupting something?”

The new voice cuts straight through the room, leading both of them to jolt, heads whipping towards the door with eyes wide. A familiar face stares back through the crack in the door, two more hovering in the background with one of the boys standing with their fist still poised to knock; they must have missed their entrance entirely in their fight.

“Keonhee,” Daniel acknowledges weakly, arms still frozen in their position locked around Seongwoo’s waist, “It’s, um, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while hyung,” Keonhee laughs nervously, gesturing to Seoho and Hwanwoong who waved awkwardly from behind him, “we, uh, we just wanted to come by and say hi.”

“It’s nice to see you, congratulations on your comeback,” Seongwoo ekes out tersely, stomping on Daniel’s foot without remorse as he hisses under his breath, “ _Let go, you idiot!_ ”

“Thanks!” Keonhee brightens before the smile freezes on his face, eyes darting behind his group members and then back to Daniel’s slowly reddening face and Seongwoo’s pale one. “Uh, hyung, you might want to, um,” he gestured vaguely at Daniel’s arms, “the make-up noonas are coming.”

“Right,” Daniel released Seongwoo reluctantly, watching dejectedly as the older man stumbles away from him hurriedly to clasp Keonhee and the other boys in friendly hugs, smile soft and eyes welcoming, completely unlike the way he had greeted Daniel, “I’ll just uh, yeah.”

“Seongwoo hyung, are you alright?” Hwanwoong asks, brows furrowed as he takes in the wan look on Seongwoo’s face, the dark circles and pale lips, “You look tired.”

“Just a bit too hectic of a schedule preparing for the comeback,” Seongwoo waves him off, "I'll be fine, don't worry about it."

“Are you sure?” Keonhee questions, looking at the way the way he was swaying a bit, “Maybe you should sit down.”

“I’ll go get you some water,” Seoho announces, hurrying out of the room.

“Hyung,” Keonhee looks over to Daniel even as he guides the still protesting Seongwoo into a seat, “Was he like this earlier?”

“No? I-” Daniel swallowed nervously, “I didn’t really…notice. He seemed alright.”

He thinks of how pale Seongwoo had been all evening, how weakly he had pushed at Daniel, how thin he felt in his arms, how he had trembled in his embrace. He thinks of how they had been fighting, snapping at each other incessantly, of how Seongwoo hadn't quite seemed himself at some points despite refusing to back down. He wonders how he hasn't paid it any mind when their juniors had spotted the problem within seconds. Seongwoo cuts through all those thoughts with a snort. “When does he ever notice? It’s useless asking him,” he quips, tongue as sharp as ever even as he’s almost bent over double in his chair, cold sweat starting to bead around his forehead as Keonhee and Hwanwoong fret over him.

“Really Seongwoo? Really?”

“Hyung,” Hwanwoong stands, hands raised placatingly, “Let’s not fight right now, okay? Seongwoo hyung really doesn’t look good.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault now, is it?” Daniel can’t help but complain, wanting to shake that stubborn man in frustration even as he fights the urge to bolt to Seongwoo’s side and brush back his bangs gently, to smooth a palm soothingly down that thin back. 

“Well,” Seongwoo looks up, eyes unfocused, grin razor-sharp, “I told you to let go, didn’t I?”

Those are the last words he gets out, gasped out dramatically before he slumps forward senselessly in his seat, sliding off the chair. Keonhee lets out a tiny scream, panicking as he tries to catch Seongwoo’s unconcious form and Daniel swears, rushing forward, skidding across the floor on his knees to pull Seongwoo into his lap hurriedly.

“Hyung!” he taps at Seongwoo’s cheeks frantically, feeling only cold and clammy skin and getting no response, “Hyung!”

_Stupid_ , he curses him in his head even as his stomach churns uncomfortably with guilt and worry, _idiot just had to get the last word in. Couldn’t even be bothered to tell us he was going to pass out._

“Keonhee, call an ambulance!” Daniel snaps out instructions as he checks Seongwoo’s pulse, “Hwanwoong, can you get his manager?”

“On it!”

“On it!”

“You better be okay, you idiot,” Daniel murmured against Seongwoo’s temple, craddling him in his arms securely now without the other trying to fight him every step of the way, heart pounding even as staff start to flood the room, alerted by Hwanwoong’s loud calls for help, “This isn’t how you get someone to let go, you bastard.”

“You better be okay,” he whispers as staff pull Seongwoo away from him, coaxing Daniel to let him go, a couple of stagehands lending their strength to lift him onto the couch as they wait for the paramedics to arrive.

Seongwoo’s manager rushes over, one of the producers following closely on his heels as someone on the staff with first aid training starts to check Seongwoo over. Daniel watches on, feeling numb as his own manager pulls him into a corner of the room, fussing over him and clicking his tongue when the idol doesn’t respon, eyes riveted to his friend’s unconcious form.

“Daniel, are _you_ okay? You look like you’re in shock. Here, drink this.”

Something cold and sugary is shoved into his hands as his manager urges him to drink, wrapping a blanket around Daniel’s shoulders.

“I didn’t…”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” his manager asks, “I didn’t catch that.”

Daniel swallows heavily, watching as they wheeled Seongwoo out of the room on a gurney.

“Daniel?”

He licked his dry lips, only drying them out further, throat feeling clogged with the emotions that sit so heavily in his gut.

“I didn’t even get to tell him that I missed him.”

**Author's Note:**

> BASICALLY, I blame Elle. This was way less dramatic before you brought up the water.


End file.
